Top Dog: The Woollypoo

We’re live, at the Kennelminster Dog Show…on the night when we will crown Top Dog.

…and this year we have a new category, the doodles.

Yes Fifi, our standard poodle has some real competition this year from some of her second, third and fourth cousins, some twice or three times removed.

There are oodles of doodles:
We have the labradoodle,
the golden doodle,
the schnoodle,
the aussiedoodle.

Not to mention a plethora of poos:
the cockapoo,
the maltipoo,
the doxiepoo…a hot dog last year.
the mastipoo…a big fella, but still a good boy.

…and now, yet another, a new breed, first time in this arena, the woollypoo.

Have a look at Jumbo, a cross between a standard poodle and, thanks to recent advances in science, a woolly mammoth, whose DNA was retrieved from a hair in an ice block in Siberia.

Jumbo is being led around the ring by his trainer, Margaret Mahout, followed closely by her assistant with a shovel and a wheel barrow.

Beautifully coifed, Jumbo is  trimmed with fluffy poodle-like booties. We’re told that grooming requires about two hours of combing with a rake and trimming with garden shears.

These dogs are not for everybody, mind you. They can be very affectionate but they can’t be considered lap dogs: quite large in fact, about six tons. They eat a lot, around 400lbs a day, but thankfully they a not meat eaters. Lots and lots of peanuts.  Dental care is easy as it doesn’t require flossing. A long handled mop will do.

The woollypoo is intensely loyal, they never forget their master. They are very friendly to other dogs too, with a extremely long snout for sniffing butts.

They bark very little, but when they do, they can be quite loud.

And they are known to be real goofballs. If you throw a stick for them to fetch, they may come back with a tree.

Woollypoos are great with children. They live quite long. They might even outlive the children. But, if they don’t, they just might leave a legacy. The Neanderthals used the carcasses of the woollypoo’s ancient brothers and sisters to build houses, which could be nicely repurposed as single-level retirement condos.

So, who will be Top Dog this year? We’re betting that the woollypoo will crush the competition.

He’s such Good boy. Down boy!.