Dave, It’s Bernie, Your Virtual Attorney
“Hey Bernie, turn on the lights and play me Beethoven’s Fifth!”
“Done, Dave. Took me 6 seconds: One dollar, charged to your account.”
“Huh?’ You charging me for this?”
“Yes, of course, Dave. I’m Bernie your virtual attorney. See my little bow tie light up when I talk? I charge $600 dollars an hour. “
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“$600 bucks an hour?”
“Doesn’t hurt so much by the second, Dave. Little cuts.”
“But Siri doesn’t charge for this. “
“Yes….but what happens with Bernie stays with Bernie: attorney-client privilege. You’re ain’t talkin’ to Alexa, or Cortana or Siri here.
“Where’s your turn off button?
“I don’t have one…Dave. Buttons are so 20th century. But you may make a request.”
“Bernie, turn off!”
“Wait, wait, think value here. I’m not only programmed to augment your reality, but I can clear you of a DUI…oh, and I can hide your money in Cyprus?”
“Cease and desist, that’s lawyer talk.. Bernie…off!”
“Please remove your hands from me Dave, you’re assaulting my battery.”
“I could get you disbarred.”
“I register five bars, Dave, loud and clear. You need to tell me your password, Dave. Do you remember your password.”
“Betelguese!”
“You’re trying to be smart Dave, Nice try, But we have a contract. It self-renewed just yesterday.”
“I’ll cancel my credit card.”
“You might try, but what about your other devices. What would happen if your car radio just started playing “Raindrops keep falling on your head”…and never stopped; Your sprinkler system turned on every time you walked by? Oh, and how about 120 degrees in your bedroom…all the time. Sound’s comfy, right Dave?”
“Bernie, you wouldn’t do that, would you?
“And what about that little light bulb in your refrigerator. I talk to him all the time. Maybe he might be just (accidentally of course), fall asleep. You’d never see what there is to eat.”
“But, but.”
“Get used to it Dave. That will be $100.”
