A Smokin’ Airline

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Jet
Tristan Thomas -Wikimedia

“Welcome aboard Stoner Airlines Flight 420 to Denver with ongoing service to Weed, California and Maui-wowie.

I’m your flight attendant Mary Jane. Your pilot is Buzz “One Giant Step Into Thin Air” Doobie.

As the airline has designed this plane to cram as many of you in here as possible, we will do everything we can to ease the pain. Due to FAA regulations, this is a non-smoking flight, but various treats will be available from the dude with the food once we get underway.

Today we are offering two channels of entertainment, the classic ”Up in Smoke” starring Cheech and Chong on channel one and a National Geographic special on meercats on channel two.

For those of you who would simply like to sleep with your eyes open, the Pink Floyd channel is available…somewhere. Note the purple jellyfish being projected on the walls and ceiling.”

“Hi y’all, Buzzzzzz the pilot here. Our little pocket rocket will just keep on going up and up and up until we reach a cruising altitude of 130 thousand feet where we may either level off or try something different. Please stash your dime bags under the seat in front of you, fasten your seat belts and don’t wander the aisles or try to open the doors.

So, full throttle…its time to flyyyyyy.

Disregard the rattle, we are climbin’ real fast. Gotta light load today, plenty of good gas and no birds in the engine. Below, starboard, is the island of Manhattan. Oh dang, that’s the luggage on the tarmac. Whatever.  It’ll catch up.

We know you have a choice, we thank you for choosing Stoner Airlines. We make flying… flying again.”

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