A few years ago I flew from the real Bethlehem, in the Middle East, to Brazil’s Bethlehem, a town called Belem at the mouth of the Amazon where after some Christmas shopping at a funky, politically-incorrect market, I began a jungly yuletide cruise. Have a look at a Windows Media video and a photo gallery.

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The “BIG ONE” vs the “little one”
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Still no cruise terminal, still crummy, cavernous old Pier 35. I hadn’t been there in years until Earthquake Anniversary Eve, the night before the 100th birthday of THE BIG ONE. Two cruise ships were parked there, one dwarfing the other. The “BIG ONE” was a 1,900 passenger Celebrity Cruise Lines behemoth. The “little one” was the Radisson Seven Seas Mariner, a mid-sized luxury ship.

I caught up with an old acquaintance, Mark Conroy, who is now president of the Regent Seven Seas, part of the Carlson travel empire and owner of the Mariner . Conroy and I go back to the old Royal Viking Line, where he was a VP and for which I made films. In the 80s, RVL was the epitome of luxury, hosting movie stars and royalty. I directed a little film for the line starring Vincent Price with whom, despite his reputation as a gourmet, I once shared one of his favorite meals, the Egg MacMuffin. Leona Helmsley was kicked off a ship for being, well, Leona Helmsley. Royal Viking Line was my finishing school, even though I admit to being a work in progress.

While Conroy and I sat in the bow lounge, sipping Champagne, a guy above us with a welding torch was removing the Radisson sign and replacing it with the Regent emblem. Overnight the ship morphed into the Regent Seven Seas Mariner. Like a bad guy in an auto chop shop, torch man was erasing the ship’s old identity giving it a new life with the more prestigious name of Carlson’s high-end hotel brand. Perhaps rightly so as Seven Seas has joined the rarified ranks of the best, a pantheon led by Crystal Cruises. I have never sailed Seven Seas, but it has a great reputation among travel agents I know and respect.

Despite its reputation, most of the old Royal Viking cabins were tiny. Conroy told me that the Mariner carried the same number of passengers in a considerably larger vessel, which means all suites with balconies and real closets. I checked out one of the ship’s smaller suites and it had a huge walk-in closet and a real bathroom, rather than a “head” the size of a phone booth. Over the next few months, the line will spiff up its ships with new ameneties like sheets with thread counts higher than the late Carl Sagan’s star counts and iPods in the staterooms.

Another “duh” concept that cruise lines have finally figured out is that not everybody appreciates the burned-out lounge singers and ventriloquists of cruises of yore. Small “exploration” cruise lines have known this for ages, but a new generation of luxury cruisers now demand “content” as well, not cheesy bus tours with enforced trinket shopping. Regent has created what it calls “Circles of Interest” where guests can fine-tune their experiences with expert lectures and workshops along specific tracks, as you might find at a conference. Food and Wine, Photography, History, even Marine Life and the Environment are among the “Circles.” Jean-Michel Cousteau’s Ocean Futures Society has partnered with Regent Seven Seas, quite a statement in an industry that has not in the past been known for its stewardship of the oceans. A National Geographic-sponsored study said that travelers really care about this, and some organizations are heeding the call.

Anyhow, it was good to touch base with an old acquaintance. I sometimes regret not having stayed in that business even though with my weakness for food and wine I would have probably had a gut the size of Rhode Island by now. Conway is a runner.

Hats off to the “little one” and happy ‘BIG ONE” anniversary week, I think. And tune in for live chopper coverage at eleven.

Nirvana Tonic
A Cruise on the River Kwai
Story, photos, audio and video ©2005 Russell Johnson

I am a river rat. Not a rafter, but a lollygaging Huck Finn kinda swamp rodent who likes to flow with the current and poke around the slough. Lord Buddha describes The Dharma as a raft that floats one to Nirvana. A few days on a river and I find myself paddling pretty close to a perfect state of bliss.

I love jungle rivers, draped with serpentine vines (not to mention envined serpents) where steam rises in the morning, macaques squawk and shake their hairy little fists, insects whine like powertools and plumy birds, aloft and aloof, snub me as a lower form of life while I stare at them in admiration.

Thailand’s Kwae Noi, better known as the River Kwai, is such a river…MORE