"DISINSECTED"
Card placed on toilet lid in St. Petersburg Russia Hotel

"You'll make yourself comfortable by stoking and gobbling up as the local people and then loosen up on soft straw mattress enjoy fresh manure of cattle and sleeping"
from Air China inflight magazine

"Men's Briefs. Try them!  They're Comfartable"
Billboard in Kaohsiung, Taiwan

Romatical touchings that are will causing excited sexual desire is not dominantly to fell by human beings only, but he elephants are not even inferior in intimate." "The wind touched softly the hairs on the brow. From the provided tower the spectators can be looking down freely. Among the leafy jungle growing around, on the tall-grasses swaying slowly together with the songs of birds and forest insects. This tourism object in Way Kambas to be a new natural colour of natural Forest that is warmish, vicious, but friendly."
from an article in an Indonesian magazine about a new tourist attraction

"Please feel yourself at home."
from a welcoming advertisement in Chiang Kai-shek Airport in Taiwan:

SORRY
NO TALKING TO CASHIER
NO SMOKING
NO FIGHTING
NO CREDIT
NO OUTSIDE FOOD
NO SITTING LONG
NO TALKING LOUD
NO SPITTING
NO BARGAINING
NO WATER TO OUTSIDERS
NO CHANGE
NO TELEPHONE
NO MATCH STICKS
NO DISCUSSING GAMBLING
NO NEWSPAPER
NO COMBING
NO BEEF
NO LEG ON CHAIR
NO HARD LIQUOR ALLOWED
NO ADDRESS ENQUIRY
sign on the Bastani Cafe in Mumbai

"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
from a Swiss restaurant menu

"When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour."
from a Tokyo car rental brochure
"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."
in a Yugoslavian hotel

"Please leave your values at the front desk."
in a Paris hotel

"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
in an Acapulco hotel

"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
in a Norwegian cocktail lounge

"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
in a Moscow hotel

"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
in a Copenhagen airline ticket office

"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
in a Japanese hotel

"Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
in an Austrian ski hotel

"Cooles and Heates if you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
air conditioner instructions, Japanese hotel

"Special cocktails for the lady with nuts."
in a Tokyo bar

"English well talking. Here speaching American."
from a Majorcan shop